Les Bien-Aimés

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j0E35uccRVg

In relationships… I have loved and been loved in return. I have been loved alone, and I have loved alone. I have loved gay men, geek men, christians. I have loved men who were boys, and boys who felt like men. I have loved a man who has hurt me, and I have been loved by men whom I have hurt. I have dreamt about love, and written poems for future lovers, and I have created and idealized men in my life who barely even knew the extent of my desires. I have wept many a tear, tore many letters, smoked many cigarettes in the name of love. I have concentrated my emotions at particular people, who have moved me, changed me, drowned me. Throughout time, as I am young, there’s a few whom I still have some connection, as if love, in any of its forms, has created some kind of eternal common ground between us. A call, a random encounter (or a planned one!) stirs up the most controversial quality of love: its time-travelling capacity. How, after all this time, however little it truly is, can I still remember and feel every emotion created in another time and place? Even after one of us, or both of us, have moved on and changed and lived other experiences, can we continue to recall to what felt or was love so easily? I can easily visualize which men so far will stir the energy within me regardless of the years passed. That high school boyfriend of mine whom I haven’t seen in seven years, still creates some commotion within with a simple email. It brings me back to who I was, even though, with time, I perceived the emotions with a distant flattery of recognition ignited in memory. Yet I can sense the feelings in my body, perhaps memory is present in love. Madeline, from the French film and master piece Les Bien-Aimés, demonstrates through the trajectory of events that it is but love that she loves. In modern day, where relationships are continuously scrutinized from the first date to retirement housing, Madeline offers a simple glance at the reality of love. I am young and passionate, and I have loved with powerful intent and desire. I have taken advantage of my broken heart to inspire my hands in writing and to fill my journals with words of what feels to me as 19th century tragedy romance. I have used love, felt love, manipulated love, challenged love. Is it men whom I love, or is it the capacity of loving them? As the end of the film approaches, Madeline realizes those two simple truths. She loved love and there is no liberty in it. How wonderful and beautiful it all turns out to be! The choice of love, is to choose love, but also to choose the consequence of it being returned or not, perfect or not, truthful or not. I can see love now on its own, and I can see how much I love love. While I know that some men will ignite within me the flame of love regardless of time, I also know now that it is not them, but the love I have for loving them. Love is inspiration, tragedy, evolution and chaos all in one. But one thing is true, I can live without the men, but I cannot live without loving them. “Je peux vivre sans toi tu sais Le seul problème mon amour C’est que je ne peux vivre sans t’aimer” -Les Bien-Aimés

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